Now I'm going to bend over, while each of you kick me in the rear....
Ready?.......
okay - GO!
"OUCH!"
But thanks, I need it....
This is my blog, and I will say and do what I please and I have warned you all before about my potty mouth when I'm angry, upset p*ssed off so here goes.
I'm really really p*ssed off with ................... myself................... No other way to put this. I've lied to myself. I've lied to you all. I'm not doing okay, and I can't keep kidding myself.
Now I may be sleep deprived, hormonal, BUT it does not make it okay, to stick absolute garbage in my mouth and pretend like it hasn't happened.
In the last 3-4 weeks I've totally f*cked up my routine and my lifestyle. I thought that if I could just have a little bit, or a handful or something small it would be okay. Fact is, IT'S NOT OKAY.
OMG.... okay, here it goes.....
I have an eating problem again. I have been buying secret stashes of lollies or chocolate that only because secret because someone else cannot help themselves and eats the whole thing when I just wanted one. So I couldn't buy myself anything at all. So I started hiding stuff around the place. Initially it worked and I would only resort where absolutely needed. Unfortunately you will all know, that doesn't last and what will happen is you will go back and go back to eat.
It's crap, sugar and fat sitting in a drawer....
God, I even believed it was okay to eat it, then get on the cross-trainer like a mad person and burn it off. I know that it doesn't work.
I can only admit this to you lovely people, because you understand. I can't talk to Scott, my mum or friends about this. It's Taboo.
So, I'm going home, grabbing everything that's been stashed and immediately chucking it in the bin - and to make sure I will even tip something - I don't know, ummmm washing liquid over the top so I can't retrieve it back.
I also have been over eating particularly at night, and I must go back to making sure I serve in the kitchen for correct portion size.
Yes, my own fault - but I am NOT prepared to undo the 20+ kgs I've lost. I can do this.
I came here to admit to myself, but also because well, I'm not perfect.
I want to do this. Please help me...... I would love more than anything to hear from you sensational (non-food-cheating) people. Give me receipes, tips, anything.
I have to hear something to know that I'm not going to give up (or cry at my desk at work *eyes fill with tears*).
Please...........
4 comments:
Oh Ness (HUG) I really get where you are coming from. I started stashing food for the same reason - I'd buy a packet of something, and I used to be able to control myself, and just have one, or two, and leave them. But hubby (b/f at the time!) would then eat ALL of the rest of them, and I'd get no more. It led to being such a waste of money, because I was sick of replacing them.
So I hid them. He eventually found out and as so upset with me - because obviously it did no favours for my weight, but more than it was an unhealthy habit.
I explained to him why, and he's making more of an effort now, and I'll still put it in a opaque container at the back of the cupboard to deter him.
But then I'd often go back for night-eating sessions too, which were ALSO not healthy.
I've managed to stop the habit over the last year, but it's been tough.
At my worst, I'd buy a box of brownie mix, make it, cook it, and devour the whole lot. Bad. Really bad. I could eat a whole pack of tim tams. I could eat a block of chocolate.
Anyhow, ********KICK******** If you want to talk more, I'll give you my details.
You KNOW it's not healthy. You KNOW it will undo all your fabulous work. And you KNOW what you have to do next.
It's not going to be an overnight battle, and it IS one step at a time.
Oh Ness
Do not be so hard on yourself (hug)
No kicks are required as I think you are doing that yourself
I query why you need to hide food from him - just put them in a cupboard for all to see and say - you eat it - you die!!! (or somethng similar -LOL).
That way it is not a secret thing, what you are eating is out in the open. He can see if you are eating too much and that is often a deterrent.
A tip from my WW meeting a long time ago for when you are home - is to have a glass bowl full of things to do (good and bad)
like give yourself a manacure, go clean a cupboard. When you get the munchies - dip you hand in the bowl pick and go do. Once you have done that - if you still crave then have a smal puece and a glass of water.
Work wise - I gather you work in an office - so here is what I do.
I have a fruit basket in front of me, I have a bowl of "double d" lolies, I have some "sour cream and chives rice snacks and other healthy snacks".
Each morning - I pull out what snacks I am going to have and I line them up and only eat what is in the line.
And of course I make my lunch the night before to bring in.
You are allowed to bre human you know
Trish
Oh Ness don't be so hard on yourself. I refuse to kick you because we all have issues with food. Mine is going to a different supermarket each time and buying crap and eating some of it in the car, chucking the receipt so no one knows what I ate in the car and getting rid of the rubish on the morning. I caught myself doing it again this week and like you know I have to put a stop to it before it gets out of control.
I love Trish's idea about the glass bowl it's something I am going to try. Anyway pick yourself up I know you will be ok and keep going, you are so inspiring!
Big Hugs!
Ness I have only just met you, through Bec's blog, but might I suggest that you not be so hard on yourself. Okay, so you've been eating stuff you think you shouldn't. So what?! It's only food! It needn't control you, you can control it. If you eat something that's not on the plan, don't beat yourself up about it, just move on. Some one on the ww boards has a tagline something like "You don't drown by falling into the water. You drown by staying there." How true! If you eat something wrong, then feel really bad about it, that can lead you to eat something else and you just end up in a big hole. So say to yourself "Big deal . . . it's only food" and move on.
One thing that helps me is organisation. In real life I am not a very organised person, so I have to work on it. If I plan to eat really yummy food, that also happens to be low fat, sticking to the plan is easy. On Sunday I often cook something I really like to take for my work lunches. I cook roast vegetables and cous cous or frittata or vegetarian curry. Today I made some lovely cream of cauliflower soup. I like these lunches much better than the junk I can by nearby to school--so sticking to my plan is easy at lunch time. I have built up a repertoire of delicious low fat dinners that I look forward to eating. If you need inspiration, check out Jo's "Dash of Flavour" recipe blog. There are some great ideas on there. Plan to have a treat--skinny cow icecream, ww eclairs, mars light, marshmellows. I have a treat or a glass of wine (or two) every day. See if you can spend some time to plan to eat food that you really like--that also happens to fit into your plan. I don't know, it works for me!
Good luck
Lesley
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